Gender Gender

Divorced man speaks on long-distance relationship

Speak out on violence: DORIS KASOTE
IT IS not strange that men rarely speak out their problems. However, whilst on tour of duty over the weekend in Siavonga, I met a 39-year-old man who openly spoke about his marital problems.
Though he is a divorcee now, he says his experience with his ex-wife has left him resenting women.
He advises against long-distance relationships because one does not really get to know what kind of a person his partner is.
He recalls how he would travel from Ndola, at the time, to Lusaka to spend time with his girlfriend. The two rarely differed because whenever they met, it was all lovey-dovey.
The two dated for a year-and-a-half before settling down as husband and wife.
She moved to Ndola to join the husband, and a few months later, he observed trends in his wife that he was not pleased with. He spoke to her about it but she ignored his disapproval.
Two years later, the couple had a son though the wife continued to be insolate. His job entailed travelling time and again, which gave the wife the freedom to do whatever she wanted.
He then started hearing stories that his wife was having an affair. When he confronted her, she would verbally abuse him and tell him that he had a low paying job and that she mixed with men with high-profile jobs.
She would hit him with whatever she could lay her hands on. He also showed me a scar on his arm after he was knifed by the wife.
He was quick to point out that he did not retaliate because he does not believe violence solves anything.
He would hear her chat with her boyfriend on the phone and walked in and out of the house as she wished.
He was miserable but said he tried to hang on for the sake of his son. His family advised him to file for divorce but he hoped she would change.
When he lost hope of her ever changing, he filed for divorce. The woman was so bitter that she could even go to his place of work to embarrass him by saying he was not man enough.
Ever since divorce was granted, she has been denying him access to the son and even tells him not to be bothered as he is not the father of that child.
She has been using the son as a bet. Whether or not he is the biological father, he says he loves his son and simply wants the best for him.
He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for over a year. He says he has to learn to love and trust again. He says the experience he had with his ex-wife has made him resent women and doubts if there are genuine women out there.
He has since focused his energies on his career and women are the last thing on his mind.
He hopes he will heal from the pain and takes one day at a time. He also needs time to love again.
Until next week:
Let’s keep in touch.

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