Gender Gender

When desperation leads to wrong decisions

SPEAK OUT ON GENDER BALANCe with DORIS KASOTE
HER siblings are married, both younger and older.  She was desperate to find a man to prove to society that she could also have a home with a husband and children.
Natasha (not her real name) has been disappointed by several men but she did not lose hope.  She had a feeling that one day God would answer her prayer of finding Mr Right.
Natasha has a well-paying job but according to her, life is incomplete without a man in her home.
Along came a man who seemed as desperate to find a spouse as Natasha was.  However, the man was not in formal employment and running into Natasha, who was desperately in need to get married, would take away most of his troubles, especially financial.
While Natasha lived alone, she also supported her ailing mother.  Two months down the line, Natasha and Joe decided they should tie the knot; this was despite resistance from her family, who advised her it was clear that Joe was just after finding a home to call his ‘own’.
Joe lived with his older sister and would complain to Natasha how mean of a sister he has.  Joe, who is over 35, expected the sister to continue looking after him.
Whenever, his sister would advise him to get up and go out to find something to do, he would complain that he was being mistreated.  Joe spent his time at the sister’s home sleeping, eating and watching television until he met Natasha and moved into her home along with his bad habits.
Finding a man being the ultimate, Natasha did not mind Joe being a ‘house husband’ as she went to work to toil and earn money. After all, what was paramount to her is to find a man she could settle down with.
Natasha’s family were against Natasha and Joe’s union reminding her that two months was too short a period to know someone to the extent of deciding to settle down with and be called husband and wife.
Worse still, Joe could be seen round town with Natasha’s vehicle mostly entertaining other women.  Natasha even gave him her ATM card as he would always sweet talk her into doing so.
But the advice from Natasha’s family was falling on deaf ears.  Joe made her believe they were against their union because they were happy together.
Realising that whatever advice they offered would not been taken, Natasha’s family gave up and left the two to get married; which to Natasha’s family, was a bitter pill to swallow.
Six months down the line, now that Joe is married to Natasha, his sweet self no longer exists but what is prominent now is the savage in him that beats her, insults her and has warned her against even spending a penny on her ailing mother.
He tells her that as a husband, he is in charge of her finances and only when he gives a go-ahead is she able to spend her hard-earned cash on anything and anyone.
Natasha remembers the times she was single and wishes she could turn back the clock.  But she has become a prisoner in her own home. Her relatives do not visit her anymore because she is not free in her own home; Joe is in charge.
When Natasha prayed for a life partner, she thought Joe was the man.  Little did she know that initially, Joe was pretending to be what he was not.
Natasha’s effort to seek counselling at church also resulted in her being accused of having an affair with church elders, including the pastor.
Instead of enjoying her life, Natasha now troops from one police station to another trying to bail out Joe from one criminal activity to another.
Even her own family has shunned her because of Joe’s behaviour.
She regrets meeting him, her life has turned upside down.  She now contemplates divorcing him.  Natasha now feels alone yet before Joe came into her life, she had supportive friends and family whom Joe managed to turn away.
The beatings and the insults from Joe are too much to bear; she fears he might kill her.
The only option is to walk out of this relationship; clearly she was happier as a single woman.  Some relationships are not worth it, all for the sake of being called a married woman.
Women, please do not settle for less for the sake of being called a married woman.  You are worth more than you can imagine.  Natasha is miserable; she brought the misery upon herself because of being desperate. Yes, marriage is a good thing, but one should not be miserable for most of the time they are in it.
Until next week;
Let’s keep in touch:
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm

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