GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR KATAI
I AM a younger man based in Lusaka. I read your column for the first time and I am sure you can help. My problem is I am dating a person who is older than me and she plans one day we can get married.Â However, no one in my circles is in support of the relationship. I donâ€™t know how to tell her because Iâ€™m sure she will be heartbroken and I donâ€™t intend to break her heart.
ANS: Dear younger man, the fact that you are considering the opinions of your friends regarding your relationship is a clear indication that you are not ready for commitment. Usually, it is older men courting younger women that raise eyebrows but in any case be it older woman or older man what is important is the love and mutual respect shared between the couple.
The love of God should shine through the love shared between a couple
-age should not be a factor (Psalm 39:5, I Corinthians 7:36). However, too late, better you tell her that you are not ready for a long term commitment instead of wasting her time. The earlier you do it the better. The more time you are taking the more heart break she will suffer later. Blessings!
My wife is cheating on me
I am a man aged 31 who has been married for four years. We have one child who is two years. Last week I was checking my wifeâ€™s phone and could not believe what I saw. My wife and her former lover have been exchanging love text using whatsapp. What should I do?
ANS: Brother, being a Christian does not lessen our chances of having an affair. Frankly, it is inevitable that you will be tempted to have an affair.
When an affair occurs and it is noted by the affected partner, it is imperative that the offending partner quickly comes back to his/her senses and instantly goes on his/her knees to beg for forgiveness.
Brother, trust is the big question. You have to forgive your spouse before you can trust her again. (Colossian 3:12-14, Malachi 2:13-16). The repentant spouse must be careful to keep his or her word. No matter how small or unimportant a promise may seem, he or she canâ€™t afford to make promises that wonâ€™t be kept anymore. Find out what really went wrong with your wife and rebuild your marriage and commitment to each other again. I wish you all the best. Blessings!
Dumped, what will I do?
I have been with this man I love so much for three months. Recently, he came to know about one of the men who dumped me two years ago and because of that he also dumped me. Pastor should I let go as well? What should I do?
ANS: Sis thanks for your text. I find it difficult to understand what really transpired between your current fiancÃ© and your ex. What happened for him to abandon you in the manner your ex did? May I hasten to say that before you call it quits an investigation into the cause of disbandment of your courtship has to be launched to ensure that in future this does not happen again. Do not be frustrated yet; be patient with him and courageous enough to seek audience with your current man to find out what went wrong between you and him. If possible make mends. Your ex should not be the subject for now. To me your failed past relationships is water under the bridge. Find out today from your man. I trust all will be well. (Hebrews 13:5-6). Blessings!!
Whom should he marry?
I am a woman aged 25. I have a problem in my relationship – a man I am in love with has a child with another lady and I also have.
He said that he should marry the one he has a child with but not me. However, he has continued to say that he loves me so much. Now I am confused, what should I do since he loves me much so much?
ANS: Sister, I do not think this man really loves you as he professes.
Their relationship started with a man who dated her for the wrong reasons and thus never truly felt fulfilled in his commitment to this woman.Â Since they have a child together and that is the only bond they share.Â This bond will continue to oil their relationship whilst on the other side he will be giving assurances of loving you too. He is not being truthful to you. This man wants to eat with both hands. What he has failed to tell you is that he has finally settled for the woman with his child, since you both have a child. His love for you is worthless, it is plastic – not real so you better not waste your time and energy on this double-standard man. (James 1:7-8, Genesis 13:7-9). Peacefully leave and thank him for the time you had together. Blessings!
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Tip of the Week
Marriage: â€œBe an open book. Let your partner see through you and donâ€™t keep secrets you would not want your partner to find out. In all you do or say be transparent enoughâ€ Blessings!
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