Couples

Is cohabiting a test run for marriage?

GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR KATAI
DEAR Pastor,
Getting married is one of the biggest decisions one will ever make. If marriage is a lifetime commitment, then why not have a “trial run” before making it official? Concerned sister.
ANS: Thanks for writing to Godly counsel. If your goal is to have a loving and stable relationship in future, cohabiting is far more likely to sabotage your life-long intimacy than help a stepping stone. Here are a few reasons why you should not cohabit.
Despite some people arguing that cohabitating is a wise ‘test drive’, evidence available suggests that living together before marriage increases your risk for divorce in the future. The truth is that upholding sexual fidelity and the marriage covenant as sacred before God impacts your willingness to work through the challenges of life together.
The other aspect is that couples who cohabit are more likely to experience sexual unfaithfulness, domestic violence and higher levels of relational unhappiness. While women have great power in the marriage relationship, they have relatively little leverage as a live-in, that is, cohabitating puts men in the driver’s seat. They get what they want (sex and companionship) without giving what they fear (commitment).
Biblically, co-habitating is taking yourself out of God’s will for your life. There is nothing I fear more than being out of God’s will. I’ve seen enough pain and devastation in this world to know that I need God – every hour of every day, I need His wisdom, protection, love and comfort.
I find tremendous comfort knowing that I can cry out to God and trust him to give me wisdom no matter what comes my way. Even when I don’t feel his presence, I know he is there. Why? Because he has promised me that he will draw near to me when I draw near to him (James 4:5-7).
By choosing to ignore God’s teaching on marriage and sexuality, you are choosing to walk in darkness and live life on your own terms. By living with your boyfriend, you are rejecting the fellowship of God. Romance, marriage, sex, family – these are complicated and dangerous aspects of life. Don’t reject the counsellor who can give you the wisdom and strength to navigate them well. If you are living with your boyfriend with the hope of avoiding heartbreak, you are likely setting yourself up for failure. Step out now! Blessings

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My Girl friend spends more time with friend than me
Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 26. I have a woman who I love very much. We have been dating for 10 months now. We started on a good note and everything was moving on well. But to my surprise, she has changed the way she talks to me and cares for me. Am always the one calling to check on her and if I don’t call her, she can never call not even to just find out how I am doing. I have told her my intentions over her that I want nothing else but to marry her. She spends most of her time with a friend and at times, I feel like am not recognised.  I can say she loves the friend more than me because she even calls her friend more. She can’t make time for me. I need your help what should I do??? Advise me on what I need to do.
ANS: Brother thanks for your email. Brother, the beauty of courtship is that it allows you to know more about the person you intend to marry and from there you can determine if you are ready for a long-term relationship.
From your explanation, it is evident that the lady is not yet ready for a full time commitment to you as her boyfriend. You have an option of either ending the relationship or giving her more time and attention to ensure a possible future together.
Try and find out from her where she thinks she will be in a year’s time and that will give you a clear picture of whether she is interested in you or not. Usually, the early days of a relationship are exciting but time is the true measure of things to come.
Count this as a lesson and remember to always wait on God – Psalm 27:14. Blessings!
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In love with older woman

Dear Pastor,
I am in love with a woman one year eight months older than me. I love her. Can our marriage work with this age difference? Please advise.
ANS: Brother, thanks for your text. Usually, it is older men courting young women that raises eyebrows, but in any case be it older woman or older man, what is important is the love shared between the couple.
Your age difference is negligible, I do not think, it would raise dust. The love of God should shine through the love shared between a couple – age should not be a factor. Go right ahead brother – I John 4:18. Blessings!

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LOVE LINES:
Dear Pastor,
Greetings, I am a lady aged 39 looking for a serious man aged 43-45 with one or two children to settle with. Interested serious men to call or text on 0953-374918.
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Dear Pastor,
I am HIV positive lady looking for a man aged 39 to 43 also positive. 0950-765220.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 42 looking for pure single lady without children to marry aged 22-33. Serious lady text all details or call 0975-775035.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a lady aged 19 looking for a serious man aged 20-23. Call or text 0963-388853
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Dear Pastor
Thank God for the job well done. I am a 26 years old male looking for a life partner must be Adventist. Contact 0966/0976-373662.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 38, searching for a woman of valour, a Christian, slim, a bit tall and brown. Serious call 0950-341320.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 35 looking for a lady aged 20-35, God fearing person. God bless you pastor for the job well done.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 26 looking for a beautiful lady aged 18-24. She must be God fearing. Call or text 0963-515282.
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Dear Pastor,
I am a lady aged 29 and HIV-positive looking for a man who is also positive. 0964-818147.
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Tip of the week
Marriage: In all your differences, avoid verbal attacks on your spouse. Express your feelings and concerns calmly, without using derogatory words that will deeply hurt or lower his/her self-esteem. Blessings!
Comments and question email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com. Text 0955/0967-778068.

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