Columnists Couples Gender Life and Style

‘Church brought us together’

HOW WE MET with MIKE MUGALA, Lusaka
“MARRIAGE brings order in one’s life, it also opens the doors of God’s favour and blessings. I describe marriage as a better place. Even the Bible puts it clear “whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour in the eyes of God,” said Pastor Steven Mbao.
Before he met his wife, Confidence Nyambo, Steven had been praying to God for a woman who would fit his vision.
As a pastor, Steven needed a woman with a good character, vision, humble, with a heart for the people and ready to help him take the ministry of God forward.
Never at any point did he know that he would find those qualities in Confidence. The two knew each other as they lived in the same neighbourhood and attended the same church.
“I started developing interest in her after some observation. What attracted me to her was her exemplary personality. She was reserved, committed to the things of God and this for me was a sign that she was the right person for me and that she would make a good life partner. I told her that I had noticed her potential and that I needed a relationship with her,” said Steven.
When the two got in a relationship in 2007, Steven went to Confidence’s parents and told them that he was serious with their daughter.
He wanted an open relationship and thought that involving parents and other elderly people would help in laying a strong foundation for the development of their relationship.
He narrates how during the day he went to Confidence’s parents’ home to talk with her and share ideas on how to move their relationship forward.
“As a man of God, I wanted to protect my integrity in society and thought that having an open relationship would be the best thing as opposed to the hide and seek kind of arrangement,” said Steven.
Though the two had misunderstandings, their love grew even stronger as they got to understand each other better. After four years of courtship, the two got married on November 5, 2011.
Now with two children and five years in marriage, Steven describes marriage as a better place and a learning process.
“Our marriage is fruitful, we have seen the hand of God. In the five, of my marriage I have learnt that every day is an opportunity to learn new things and get to understand the other person better. People must also use their strengths to work on their partners weaknesses as opposed to taking advantage and using it as a weapon to bring them down,” he said.
Steven said men must take up their role of being the head and parents in the home while women must submit. He said there is need to dialogue whenever there is a misunderstanding in the home.
“Communication is vital, especially when there is a difference in the home it should not be a 50-50 kind of arrangement. One between a husband and wife must lower themselves,” he said. He advised couples to put God at the centre of their marriage.
He also urged young people to take their time before they consider going into a marriage to avoid regret.
Steven said most of the young people get into marriage because of lust as opposed to love for the person. He said love and sex are two different issues that must not be combined.
“Most of the new marriages have failed to work because our young people do not understand the essence of marriage sex is just one of the components of love. Young people must first settle and get established before they think of going into a marriage, marriage is a covenant and not a contract,” he said.
For Confidence, getting married to Steven is a dream come true and God’s answer to the prayers she always had.
She wanted a responsible, humble and God- fearing man whom she would settle down with and this she found in Steven.
“I was content with him just when he approached me, I knew him as a man who was committed in doing God’s work. I had no doubt that he would make a good life partner,” Confidence said.
She has described her husband as a good man who is always there for her in the good and bad times.
Confidence believes that love, honesty, respect for each other and dialogue are vital for the success of a marriage. Her prayer is that God gives her life in abundancy and sustains her marriage.
She has advised people to avoid hearsay and trust each other to keep their marriages intact.
“Marriage must be between two people, people outside are mostly destroyers and must not be listened to,” Confidence said.
The couple lives in Ng’ombe Township, Steven is a pastor of World Restoration Embassy while Confidence is a business lady.

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