Careful, feelings can deceive

Life & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
THERE are very few people who really know what they’re getting into when it comes to getting married.
We all have an idea of what marriage is all about.
We have hopes, dreams and expectations of what it should look like.
There are some things about marriage that I understood before going into it, but there are so many things I could never have fully imagined. To this day, there is still so much that I’m learning.
Often, one of the first things singles think about when it comes to marriage is sex.
But while there is so much value and closeness within the sexual relationship, a good marriage makes good sex happen, not the other way round.
Before marriage, I don’t think I grasped the real intimacy that comes with committing to this one person for the rest of my life.
Marriage presents an amazing opportunity to allow another person to look inside your life; your mind; your heart and your very soul.
We all tend to think of the deep spiritual and physical benefits of oneness, but we don’t always consider the ‘inconvenience’ that comes with it. One house, one bed, one bathroom, one mirror above the bathroom sink.
One bank account, one budget. That’s what marriage entails. You need to learn to let go of the “mine and yours” mentality, because everything truly becomes ‘ours’. There is something really hard about this, but there is also something really beautiful about it – it’s the reminder that at the end of the day, what’s mine is yours and what is yours is mine.
When you allow someone to bury their heart in yours, there’s no doubt that one day, you will feel some pain.
Be it in the form of an unkind word, a thoughtless action or a selfish moment, marriage will hurt.
But by God’s grace, each wound paves the way for grace, forgiveness and restoration. Each wound is a reminder of our need to love better and more deeply.
The truth is that you’ll tend to lose a part of yourself within the glory of marriage. You exchange a little bit of who you are for a little bit of who your spouse is. You learn to give and take. You learn to let go of the things that don’t really matter. And in the end, you may realise that what you’ve given is far less than what you’ve ultimately received. Love is like that sometimes, but overall it is good.
Before marriage, the feelings for each other tend to be very strong, but after marriage, a day may come when you feel that feelings can’t really be trusted. Sometimes feelings could tell you that you don’t like each other. Feelings come, but feelings also go. They may seem like a compass, and sometimes a guide, but they are never to be followed.
The test of real love is what you do when you don’t feel like loving. Marriage is constantly choosing to love, to give and to serve because of the commitment you have made to your partner. It’s choosing your partner’s interests over your own interests. That’s the definition of love in its truest form.
For questions and con¬tributions, email me on Follow me on Face¬book or LinkedIn at Emmanuel Mukula. Phone: 0978980332

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