Godly Counsel with PHILLIP KATAI
I WAS 31 years old when we married, and I had been supporting myself (and eventually my family) since the age of 18.
After serving as the sole breadwinner for so long before I married my husband, there was a part of me that really desired a break from the responsibility. I told myself I deserved a break. My husband has a good job and he works hard, but my job pays more expenses and the income is steadier. So how can couples establish a healthy system of financial management?
ANS: Madam thanks for your text. Well, I will share with you what works well for me and my wife, but remember thereâ€™s not just one right answer for handling the details. The one thing you must do is to make sure that you and your spouse are aligned to a biblical perspective regarding the resources you have. What does it mean to have money? What is its purpose? What is our responsibility toward it?
Most Christians I know are consistent about their tithing commitments, but biblical money management is much more than tithing. Remember, â€œWe brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we canâ€™t take anything with us when we leaveâ€ (1Timothy 6:7). All resources are God-given for us to manage, use, serve Godâ€™s kingdom, and yes enjoy. It dishonours God when we mismanage or misuse his resources.
You and your spouse must see each other as teammates, working together to serve God well. Once you have established a firm, faith-centred family perspective on money and resources, you can move on to the basic details.
There are hundreds – perhaps even thousands – of verses related to money management in Scripture, certainly too many to address here. But overall I would say Scripture calls for diligence and care. â€œGood planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to povertyâ€ (Proverbs 21:5). At a minimum, know your financial situation and have a plan. It sounds incredibly basic to keep track of whatâ€™s going in and out of your account, but a shocking number of people simply donâ€™t do it.
You should take time to determine who should take charge of various aspects of your finances. Each month set up a budget and let each one make a contribution to this budget which should include paying for all family bills.
And as you work through issues together and practice effective communication on financial matters, you build skills and trust that spill over into other aspects of your marriage.
I, therefore, encourage you to start calling your own date night budget meetings. It might seem odd or awkward at first, but itâ€™s a great way to grow your marriage and work together to serve your God. Blessings!
Hubby has filed for divorce
My husband became abusive, even threatening my life. He filed for divorce. I counter-sued because I was also tired, then he withdrew but I donâ€™t believe he is genuine. Whatâ€™s your view?
ANS: Dear madam thanks for writing to Godly Counsel. If your partner becomes abusive and violent to the level of threatening your life, that is dangerous and unacceptable. Why should you lose your precious life for the sake of marriage? Bluntly, the Bible advises: â€œBut if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to peaceâ€.
Godâ€™s desire and profound expectation from couples is that they live a peaceful marriage life. Other than that there is no need of living together. You have just hinted to me that you have counter-sued your husband and in this case I would advise that you allow the due process of the law to take its course and see how far it will go.
On the other hand, owing to the fact that your husband has withdrawn his court case you can settle outside court with the help of your church and families. I believe this will be good for both of you to rebuild trust and love. If you feel this is not workable for you stick to the court process. Blessings!
He wanted to make love
I need your help. I am a girl aged 17, in a relationship with a man I am so deeply in love with, the first time we had date, he never told me that he loved me but later the same day he called me and asked me to meet him and I agreed. I met him and we went to his place where he attempted to make love to me when I donâ€™t know much about him, his family and friends. I am a Christian and I wouldnâ€™t want to have sex before marriage. Please tell me what I shall do, for I love him like crazy.
ANS: Dear girl, foremost I thank you for your text. As much as I appreciate your affection for this man I feel you are too young to get involved in a serious relationship like you have put it in your text. At your age, I guess you have completed school and you need to go to your next stage that is either college or university.
The other aspect from your text is that how do you meet a stranger at his home? Why not meet at a neutral ground like a restaurant where you can be comfortable and secure to meet a stranger? The man is not serious with marriage. If he was he was not going to ask for sex the first time you met him. Serious men who marry have great respect for women.
I propose to you that you postpone your â€˜crazy loveâ€™ for this man. Secure your future first and marriage later. Education is good investment you will never regret. If you are a Christian, stick to your Christian norms. Remember to abstain from casual sex. Blessings!
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Tip of the Week
Marriage: Make sure that you and your spouse are aligned on a biblical perspective towards the resources you have. What does it mean to have money? What is its purpose? What is our responsibility toward it? Blessings!
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Godly Counsel with PHILLIP KATAI