Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
If our marriage was in God’s plan, then why were we so miserable? So what can a Christian couple do to ensure their remarriage is a successful
ANS: From many stories, I have heard in the time I have been in church ministry, there is no easy way through remarriage. But faith assures me God has miracles and revelations along the way that can prevent any remarriage from being doomed for divorce.
You are not alone. Some have walked through second a marriage, full of errors, grace, expectations, and hope.
May I share with you and readers out there, two important facets of marriage that God has shown me along the way of my marriage.
Foremost, marriage should have a structure. Without defining and articulating the things you value as a couple, you have no structure for a marriage relationship.
Values such as love of God, love of spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion, forgiveness, and holiness. Through these values you can protect and cause marriage to grow in the direction God intends.
Understanding a spouse’s values removes stress and uncertainty from the relationship. No matter where you are or what is happening, whether together or apart, you could be assured that the tenets of your relationship are known and respected by each other.
The second thing to do is to rearrange your expectations. The most challenging aspects of marriage are expectations.
Nearly all couples enter marriage with idealistic expectations, but couples entering a marriage relationship for the second or third time often assign an undue burden to their spouse.
This burdens the new spouse with the responsibility of compensating for the failures of the previous marriage.
Seeking fulfilment from a husband or wife is not only asking too much, it is asking the impossible. We were created to receive ultimate fulfilment from God, and God alone.
When we look to a relationship or a loved one as a substitute for God, we will always be disappointed. No one, no matter how much they love and desire us, can fulfil our longing.
Only God can satisfy. Blessings!
When does the Bible permit divorce?
My hubby seems to be constantly addicted to pornography; he puts me down all the time.
Lately, he really lost his temper and scared the kids badly. I don’t know what to do. I know God wants us to honour marriage no matter what.
Should I consider divorce? When does the Bible permit divorce? At what stage?
ANS: Dear lady,
When we face challenging marital circumstances, we may struggle with such deep and hard questions as yours.
Friend, marriage is a lifelong commitment. Scripture consistently communicates that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus described the relationship between husband and wife this way in Matthew 19:6: “They are no longer two, but one.”
The biblical ideal is marriage as a lifelong union between a man and a woman. Marriage illustrates the principle of two becoming one, which represent the spiritual union between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32).
Marriage, created by God, is meant to be a sign of God’s unbreakable covenant with us. This is an important symbol throughout the Scriptures.
God is compared to a husband and the church to a wife. When, by the grace of God, we are able to keep a marriage together and should last because it is the symbol of God’s lasting love for us.
I strongly believe God allows people to experience consequences of their sin (1 Corinthians 5:9-12; James 5:19-20; Galatians 6:7).
In my own view, safety may be more important to God than absolute loyalty to one’s spouse under all circumstances (1 Samuel 18-31; Matthew 2:13-15; Luke 14:5).
I believe that a serious sin issue, a breach of the marital bond, trust breakdown and the absence of repentance may be ground for desiring a divorce.
Nevertheless, may I quickly point out that we must not seek divorce simply because we are not getting everything we want out of our marriage.
When you are disappointed in your spouse because they are not as romantic or ambitious or as spiritual or as handy or whatever it is that you wanted out of that marriage, and you see somebody else who has those qualities, you begin to become contemptuous or critical or disappointed instead of being grateful and appreciative of what you do have.
That is not ground for divorce. Blessings!
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TIP OF THE WEEK
Marriage: Verbal affirmation offered to your husband or wife will go a long way toward building intimacy in your marriage. Blessings!
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