Can we help? with PASTOR & MRS BANDA
DEAR Raphael and Namukolo,
With respect to last week’s topic, I will go straight to the point as in what is leading to spouse killings. It’s our culture.
Whenever elders are teaching couples that want to settle down in marriage, traditionally they will put a lady alone in the house for a period of time with ifimbusa and the man will just be with the bashi bukombe. The women are taught that ubuchende bwamwaume tabutoba nganda. Meaning that a man can cheat as long as his wife does not know. They have made it look so normal for a man to cheat but if a woman cheats it’s like she has killed her mother in law. We ladies are taught that if your husband was caught red-handed with another woman and is being chased we should be there to protect and hide him. I am sure Namukolo you know and have heard about this.
This is why I say this is the cause of spouse killings.
A woman who is married and has gone through amafunde cannot go and report her husband as a cheat, why? Simply because alifundwa. So this drives most women to take matters into their own hands.
And men kill because, if they caught their spouse cheating, their egos are wounded.
For others all this is amalgamated by being short tempered.
Men are therefore taught that they can have a girlfriend outside marriage but he must be careful so that the wife knows nothing.
Women are taught to ditch their single friends yet men will have plenty of their single friends.
It’s the married men that even teach the “single” men to cheat on their girlfriends because for them it’s okay.
But let me make something clear to these vimbusas, Man and woman were both created by God, one God. The pain a man feels is the same pain a woman will feel, well except labour pains.
We have the same emotions. Gone are the days when they said a woman was made for the kitchen only.
The vimbusas and Shi bukombes should sit down together and revise their teaching.
Well, even when it comes to sex, they put it in such a way that it’s a woman’s responsibility to give pleasure to a man. Who told you that? Ninshi us women don’t want the pleasure? Don’t we have feelings?
Our culture is slowly killing us. Maybe we should put a stop to these vimbusas and Shi bukombes.
I could express myself better verbally.
We totally agree with you that any teaching that paints one group of people as being superior to another is detrimental and is bound to bring trouble. This is true at national level and it is true at home or family level. Some of the traditional teaching which you have highlighted is truly regrettable and needs to be condemned by all and sundry.
The Bible is the best place to go for teaching on how the husband and wife should relate in marriage. This is because it is God who created human beings as man and woman and it is him who instituted marriage. He gave us his word to guide us on how best to lead our lives. He tells us the following about the marriage relationship:
Man and woman are equal before God. Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
God created man and woman differently so that they could complement each other. He made them to play different roles in marriage. Being equal does not mean being the same. The different roles have nothing to do with inferiority or superiority of one partner over the other.
Husbands are specifically instructed to love their wives and to treat them with dignity. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Similarly, they are to show consideration when relating with them. 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Wives are to submit to their husbands and to treat them with respect as the heads of the home. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Biblical submission is not the same as a spirit of servitude or forced surrender. Rather it refers to one willingly bringing themselves under the leadership of a person they love and respect.
There is a time for everything. For now concentrate on your exams. The right time will come for relationships. Comments and suggestions email: firstname.lastname@example.org