Love & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
I HAVE come to understand that having a child and rejecting that child, abdicating your responsibility as a father, is a man’s greatest failure. A lot of children are hurting because of a father who is alive but has disowned them and makes them grow up feeling unwanted and unloved. This dents the child’s self-esteem with some growing up feeling rejected.
If you have a child, be there; no matter how bad things are between you and the mother of the child – be there for your child.
Be your daughter’s or son’s first love. The first man to compliment a girl should be her father; the first man to take note of her beauty should be her dad. A girl should grow up convinced she is beautiful and feeling like a king’s princess. Too many girls fall for preying men because they are desperately looking for affection, they have daddy issues and had no encounter with a male figure who genuinely loved them before the preying men notice their boobs and hips; so they fall prey to men who use compliments and give attention to lure them and that leads to hurt.
A boy child comes into the world as a naive student who will absorb what the male figures around him teach. He can be taught the right way to be a man or be misled. He should learn proper manhood from the father. The father should model how best to treat and respect females, how to love as a man, how to work, how to provide and how to be a man of integrity. This learning should be in the form of loving mentorship that only a father can give .Too many boys are left to find their way and in so doing will make many mistakes and end up half-grown boys in men’s bodies.
The father should be the high priest that should lead the child/ children towards living a godly life, he should be seen praying, reading God’s word, loving. The child should be given a godly foundation that will shape a stable future and the father should be seen submitting to the God who gave the child life and who makes parenthood possible.
Children cry for direction. As a father, be involved in the process of seeking answers. Give advice not as a dictator but help the child understand why you are insisting on your way, help the child understand your reasons, train your child to think through solutions and he/ she will grow up with the self-sufficient capacity of making sound and wise decisions.
The best test of love is the giving of time to those you say you love. When your child complains of your absence, when problems arise, when dealing with your child becomes a handful and you feel you have no time; don’t use money to silence your children. Fatherhood is a hands-on approach, it will not be easy but its fruits are sweet. Material things can contain a child for a while, but soon the child will look around and see empty things but no love from dad.
Be supportive and make daddy appearances; show up at your child’s sports day, birthday, parent’s day, graduation or any other special day. Children love to brag about their dad, be the best man in your child/ children’s eyes, the one to grow up to be like. Let it be an honour to carry your name as a surname.
I will not end and not talk about loving the mother. Your wife acquires a new position when you have children; she is not just your wife but the mother of your children. Your child/ children love both of you the same and the desire of a child is to see mum and dad in love working as a team in a loving way.
For questions and contributions email me on firstname.lastname@example.org or follow me on facebook at Emmanuel Mukula – Life Coach