GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
GREETINGS,
I was once confronted by my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who told me to be careful and she described him as “eat and go”. Luckily I have not slept with him and I am still a virgin.
He keeps on asking for sex and if I say no, he stops communicating.
My friends tell me to give in saying a relationship cannot work without sex. Each time I want to give in I always remember those words, can his ex be telling the truth or she wants to ruin my relationship?
Worried.
ANS: Dear Worried, you need to be very careful how you go about your relationship. Your boyfriend’s ex advice could be timely. Don’t discard her advice as mere rhetoric or jealousy.
She could be speaking from experience. Friendship between woman and man should not be about sex only. It is not true that sex makes relationship flourish – far from it.
HIV/AIDS cases are skyrocketing because of this mentality where people believe that good relationship is having sex with a man.
From the Bible we have been schooled to abstain from sex until we are married. Having sex before or outside marriage will amount to sin. (Corinthians 6:9-10, 18-20).
Your boyfriend is not being sincere to you. He should respect your feelings. You are neither a toy nor a pawn to be used the way he wants.
For him to stop talking to you, whenever you turn down his sexual request can correctly explain him as “eat and go”.
You have to stand your ground until you finally marry otherwise he will just “eat and go”.
If he really loves you he has to wait for the right time for you to enjoy sex together with him. Blessings!
****
I have a difficult mother-in-law
Dear Pastor,
I have a difficult mother-in-law or am I just a bad daughter-in-law?
She does not appreciate no matter what I do for her. She is ever complaining and wishing her son could marry another woman who would respect, love and take care of her. What can I do in such a situation?
ANS: Dear married lady, the Bible in the book of Ruth presents a very good example of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship that transcends cross cultural barriers and feud. The starring in this dramatic story is Ruth who clung to her mother-in-law despite having lost her husband. (Ruth 1:15-17)
Ruth’s determination to move to a foreign land with her mother-in-law revealed an acceptance and commitment to a cross-cultural relationship that was permanent and faithful. (Israel/Moab, Judge 3:14), (Ruth 2:11).
Genuine reconciliation happens when a relationship has a commitment to resolve differences.
It is unrealistic to suppose that friendships crossing barriers of culture, race, or gender are easily achieved.
It takes a Holy Spirit-born, reasoned commitment to understand and love the other person, especially in a cross-cultural relationship such as Ruth and Naomi’s.
Such relationships can be successful when we determine that in Christ we can overcome the barrier between love and us in spite of our personal and social differences (Galatians 3:28).
For you dear, the answer lies in what you have pointed out in your last sentence. Your mother-in-law is looking for a woman who can respect, love and take care of her.
She is your husband’s mother, therefore, show her great respect, love and care. Whatever you do for her, do not do it with the aim to be appreciated or praised but to serve her like your own biological mother.
Be the woman of her ‘description’. Like Ruth, try it and see how she responds. Blessings!
*****
How can I know if she truly loves me?
Dear Pastor
I am male student aged 22 at college. I have a girlfriend who I may intend to marry. I am asking how can I know if she truly loves me?
ANS: Dear Brother, I vividly remember having tackled a similar question from another reader, on September 25, 2016. If you happen to have missed this edition, here are some of the few hints I projected:
Foremost and very important is whether she is there when you need her. It’s easy to be with someone when everything is fun and the sun is shining. When life gets rough, tough, a woman who really loves you will not say bye and disappear in thin air.
She wants to go through it with you. That’s true love. She’s happy for your successes. A woman who celebrates with you when your life goes well has truly invested in you and your future together. Communication – she actually means it when she asks how your day went.
A person in love wants to empathize with the object of her affection. Knowing every little detail of your day helps her strengthen connection to you.
She doesn’t infiltrate your stuff. If her love is in doubt, she may find herself looking through your phone or browsing history for excuses to leave you.
But a woman who gives you your privacy is willing to trust you. Trust is one of the strongest signs of love. She respects you as much as she respects herself.
In terms of sexual intimacy she can politely advise you to wait until you are both ready for each other. Given an understanding that you are still in college studying, she is expected to act as an oasis of inspiration and encouragement until you attain your goals.
I wish you all the best in your studies and relationship. Blessings!
****
Lovelines:
Dear Sir,
I am a lady aged 38 HIV+ mother of 4 looking for a partner of the same status aged 40 or above. 0966-749527.
Dear Sir,
I am a lady with 2 little boys looking for a partner aged 30-40, matured enough to take care of me and my babies with a stable job. Serious men only to call or text me 0968-657825.
Dear Pastor
I am a young man aged 25 looking for a lady. 0954-969878.
Dear Sir,
I am man looking for lady aged 35 and above. Sms 0954-200678.
Dear Pastor,
I am man aged 39 based in Mongu looking for a stable and God fearing lady aged 32-35. 0950-210107.
Tip of the Week
Marriage: Genuine reconciliation happens when a relationship has a commitment to resolve differences.
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.