Torn Apart: BOYD PHIRI
IT IS common nowadays to see billboards showing portraits of pastors and their wives mounted in front of their churches. If they are doing it as a marketing strategy, they
are doing it right.
Who doesn’t need a plan in these days of stiff competition? And if your positive love life can do the magic, why not display it for all sinners to see?
Of course, the pastors are not saying that you cannot attend their churches if you are not married, but one thing is clear, such billboards help men of God to get their messages across.
I mean, how can you succeed in business if your wife is not supportive? After all they say behind every successful pastor there is always Amai Busa [Pastor’s wife].
But if you ask me, these are modern men and women of God who believe Amai Busa’s [Pastor’s wife] image plays an integral part to the growth of the church.
It’s important that you know that most pastors are not bachelors, and if they can preach about marriage, it is only obvious that they also take photographs with their wives.
Hey! Money is sweet. If the pastor’s hands are in the congregants’ pockets, why not use the offering to erect a billboard in front of the church with the shepherd and shepherdess on display?
But on a serious note, Amai Busa can be quite supportive not only in the life of the pastor, but the congregants, too.
In the hood, for example, she helps her husband to pray for the sick, including those who want marriage to enjoy the privileges of a photo shoot on a wedding day.
If you can’t get through to the pastor, you can be rest assured that Amai Busa would be there to attend to your needs, as long as you consider her in your contributions for the pastor’s air ticket to a church conference in South Africa.
Perhaps, we can say a modern pastor can afford to mount a billboard showing a portrait of him and his wife by the entrance to his church.
Of course, it is difficult to say whether the pastor and his wife now represent the image of the church in the hood.
The number of billboards with pictures of pastors and their wives in front of church buildings is growing in the hood, and people are worried that even the images of Jesus in these churches will soon be replaced with those of ‘men and women of God’.
Well, if they say a picture tells a thousand words, then these billboards tell a million words about pastors’ investments.
But I am not saying that most traditional doctors are poor because they do not involve their wives in advertising their herbs, although there are some women who sell mtototo [sex booster] in the hood.
Nevertheless, truth be told, I am yet to come across a billboard advertising herbs with the picture of a traditional doctor and his wife displayed on it.
Of course, traditional doctors have been advertising their businesses in newspapers and posters in the hood for many years now.
We’ve also seen them distributing leaflets on the streets headlined: “Dr Masamba asiyana from Malawi”.
I bet they are also thinking of mounting billboards in front of their homes with their wedding pictures on them.
What if all couples in the hood mount billboards showing their pictures with messages reading “Chickens for sale here”?
What if sex workers also start mounting billboards in the hood showing pictures of them and their clients to advertise their businesses?
Of course, the hood would be clustered with commercials competing with church billboards with couples on them.